


Maybe we can Heal Each Other

by Artistwolf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Foster Parent, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Ben is 26, College Student Ben Solo, Doctor Ben Solo, F/M, Star Wars AU, Textfic, and medical stuff, ben solo is a doctor, brief descriptions of abuse, discord calls, foster kid Rey, inspired by Jellytarts’ The Dragon Prince fic, med school student Ben Solo, rey is 21, wrong number textfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artistwolf/pseuds/Artistwolf
Summary: I really wanted to see an AU Textfic of these two. So. I wrote one.In which Ben Solo is a student at Medical School, and accidentally texts the wrong number.Inspired by @Jellytarts’ fic I Fell In Love With You One Night in September, about Callum and Reyla from The Dragon Prince. Read it, because it’s awesome.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 47
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1

1/04/2020

Ben (3:25pm): Hey, is this Hux? Someone in class gave me your number. I was just wondering if you caught when that paper on myocardial infarctions was due.

?? (3:27pm): Uh, wrong number? What the heck is a myocardial infarction? Sounds a bit sketchy.

Ben (3:27 pm): You’re not Armitage Hux?

?? (3:28 pm): No. What kind of name is that?

Ben (3:28 pm): A stupid one for a stupid guy. Sorry, I’ll see if I can find someone else in my class to ask.

?? (3:30 pm): Very respectful way to text someone you hate, then.

Ben (3:32 pm): Why are you still talking to me?

?? (3:33 pm): I’m bored out of my mind, if you must know. I’ve been grounded by my foster parent. He doesn’t seem to realize that I’m 21 and thus way too old to be grounded.

Ben (3:33 pm): Maybe get a job and move out then.

?? (3:35 pm): Wow, you’re a nice guy. You don’t exactly know my situation.

Ben (3:35 pm): I’m trying to write an eight page essay about heart attacks. Don’t really have time to text random wrong numbers.

?? (3:36 pm): That’s what a myocardial whatever is? Wow. Alright, get back to your essay then.

Ben frowned, turning off his phone and setting it aside. He looked back at his textbook, reading through the material and making occasional notes. An hour passed quickly, and he leaned back in his chair with a yawn, reaching for his phone to text someone else for the due date.  
He turned it on, immediately seeing his conversation with the wrong number person, and reread it, slightly more interested this time. Against his better judgement, he typed out another message.

Ben (4:45 pm): Okay, you win. Do you have a job?

?? (4:46 pm): Hey, mystery guy. Or girl, I don’t know. Got bored of writing your essay?

Ben (4:47 pm): I haven’t started writing it yet. I’m just reading through the material and making notes.

?? (4:47 pm): So you’re a doctor?

Ben (4:48 pm): Will be, in June, when I finally will have earned my doctorate. You never answered my question.

?? (4:50 pm): You’ll think it’s stupid—but I work as a car mechanic. I’m good at fixing things.

Ben (4:51 pm): That’s not stupid, not to me. I fix people, you fix cars. Each person has their place in the world. Kind of assumed you were a girl though.

?? (4:51 pm) You’re kind of assuming I’m a guy.

Ben (4:52 pm): Well, there aren’t exactly many female car mechanics out there.

?? (4:52 pm): I’m a girl, actually, and my name’s Rey.

Ben (4:52 pm): Rey what?

Rey (4:53 pm): Kind of weird to ask for a last name, isn’t it? Anyway, I don’t have one. As I said, foster care and all that.

Ben (4:53 pm): I see. I’m Ben Solo, age 26.

Rey (4:54 pm): That sounded very formal. You going to give me your height and weight, too?

Ben (4:54 pm): 195 lbs, 6’2.5”.

Rey (4:58 pm): I wasn’t really asking, you know.

Ben (4:58 pm): I know. I’m just messing with you.

Rey (5:00 pm): You’re really tall. Uh, I guess to make it fair... I’m 5’7 and 121 lbs.

Ben (5:00 pm): On the thin side for that height.

Rey (5:01 pm): Alright, if you criticize me again, I’m going to stop texting you.

Ben (5:01 pm): Sensitive. It was just a comment. I’m a doctor; you probably can’t even picture what 195 pounds and six foot two and a half inches tall would look like. I can. So.

Rey (5:02 pm): Uh huh. Wanna show me?

Ben (5:02 pm): Someone’s thirsty.

Rey (5:02 pm): Not like that, idiot.

Ben (5:03 pm): You’ve been texting me for an hour and you want to know what I look like?

Rey (5:03 pm): Okay, okay, forget it. What university do you go to?

Ben (5:04 pm): Harvard Medical School.

Rey (5:05 pm): Oh. The stuck-up attitude suddenly makes sense. Do you ever leave campus?

Ben (5:05 pm): Of course I do. I’m not housebound like you are.

Rey (5:06 pm): That’s hardly fair. I’m grounded, quite unfairly I might add, for a week, that’s all.

Ben (5:10 pm): Why exactly are you grounded?

Rey (5:11 pm): I ran out of money, so I tried to steal some from Unkar—that’s my foster parent. He kinda sucks, and makes us all pay for our own stuff. He provides a little food, but that’s all. Apparently we should be old enough to take care of ourselves now. And I am, but it’s kind of hard when you just took out a loan to pay off your car, you know?

Ben (5:12 pm): He gets payed by the government to have you; he should be providing for you. What was it you needed to buy? Food? Because if so, you should report him.

Rey (5:12 pm): No, no, he provides the basic food we need if we do all our chores. I just needed some tampons.

Ben stared at the screen for a moment before slowly typing out a response.

Ben (5:15 pm): Any sort of sanitary products, by law, should not be withheld. That’s not any better than withholding food, Rey.

Rey (5:15 pm) I mean, it’s fine. I got them in the end. Hey, I’m surprised that you’re not squeamish about that topic.

Ben (5:16 pm) I took an entire year of female studies. It’s really not a big deal.

Rey (5:16 pm): You probably understand how my body works better than I do.

Ben (5:18 pm): I’m trying to decide if you were going for that innuendo or not.

Rey (5:18 pm): Ew, no. I think you’re the thirsty one here, Ben.

Ben (5:18 pm): Haha. Maybe I am. Anyway—I’ve got to get down to the hospital.

Rey (5:19 pm): I thought you didn’t have your degree yet?

Ben (5:19 pm): I’m still working there, sort of shadowing a doctor. It’s very interesting.

Rey (5:20 pm): I bet you’ve got a lot of crazy stories. Feel free to share them with me sometime.

Ben (5:21 pm): I’m still not even sure why I’m texting you, but alright. See you later, Rapunzel.

Rey (5:21 pm): Hey, just because I’m locked in my room right now does *not* mean I’m Rapunzel, thank you very much.

Ben (5:22 pm): Lol. Later.

———  
1/06/2020

Ben (1:10 pm): Hey, Rey, I know it’s been a couple days but I just wanted to check in on you.

Ben (1:13 pm): I mean, not in a creepy way

Ben (1:20 pm): Your whole foster parent issue kind of freaked me out and I’ve been researching it a little. I think you should report it.

Ben (1:25 pm): Sorry, I bet you’re at work. Back to studying.

Rey (9:33 pm): Please Don’t interfere in my personal life. I’ve got it under control. I’m sorry I told you that and that you were so worried.

Ben (11:07 pm): Your capitalization indicates you added the ‘please’ after you wrote that response out, so I take it you’re upset with me.

Ben (11:08 pm): It’s just that I don’t like to see people in these sorts of situations. It’s not healthy, you know.

Ben (11:10 pm): I said you were skinny the other day, and now I can imagine why, and that’s not healthy. 

Ben (11:15 pm): If you don’t want to report it, fine, but you really should let someone know if it gets any worse.

Ben (12:48 pm): I’m sorry it’s so late, but I’ve been thinking and maybe I should just tell you why this is bothering me so much.

Ben (12:50 pm): We had a kid come in to the ER earlier, who had been starved and abused. He had a brain injury from getting hit over the head with a blunt object.

Ben (12:51 pm): We couldn’t save him.

Ben (12:56 pm): There are people out there who think it’s okay to hurt other people, and it’s sickening. It’s not right to just... let them keep carrying on with no repercussions.

11/07/2020

Ben (1:00 am): That’s exactly what one does if one doesn’t speak up about these things. It may not be as extreme a case, but it’s still something.

Ben (1:30 am): I guess it hits closer to home to me than it should. I drank a lot at the beginning of college. I was pretty violent.

Ben (1:31 am): I ended up being taken to the police station after punching someone out for beating me at a video game. It was only after that that I learned to clean up my act.

Ben (1:35 am): Maybe if we just gave these people a time out to reflect on what they’ve done, they’d be more like me. Because I’m not that guy anymore.

Rey (7:37 am): You were up late on a Monday night.

Rey (7:40 am): Uh, not quite sure how to respond to all that. Thanks for the speech I guess. But there’s a huge difference between not getting quite enough food and not wanting to speak up about your period to ask for tampons and getting beaten to death, you know.

Rey (7:43 am): Thanks for telling me about your past. That was nice of you.

Rey (7:45 am): I feel like that should scare me off, but it just makes me trust you more, somehow. 

Ben (9:33 am): Sorry about all that last night. I feel kind of stupid about it now. 

Ben (9:35 am): Uh, I’ll text you later, I’m off to class now


	2. Chapter 2

1/08/2020

Rey (5:11 pm): Why’d you stop texting me?

Rey (5:15 pm): You said you’d text me later, at 9:00 yesterday, and you never did.

Rey (5:20 pm): You mad that I didn’t accept your advice the other night?

Rey (5:20 pm): Oh, I see your read receipt. I’m taking your silence as a confirmation that you’re upset at me.

Ben (5:22 pm): Gosh, Rey, I’m in a class. You’re going to get me in trouble.

Rey (5:23 pm): Isn’t that a weird time for a class?

Ben (5:26 pm): No, I actually have mostly evening classes. Medical school is like that

Rey (5:26 pm): When do you get out?

Ben (5:30 pm): 6:45.

Rey (5:30 pm): Okay.

Rey (6:45 pm): Hey hey class is over now, no more avoiding me.

Ben (6:50 pm): You’re tenacious.

Rey (6:50 pm): Finally, we’re on at the same time. We need to talk.

Ben (6:52 pm): Can I walk home first, or?

Rey (6:52 pm): Ugh, you’re so serious all the time. I’m going to go see if I can get some ramen or something.

Ben (7:03 pm): I’m at my apartment.

Rey (7:05 pm): You have your own apartment? I kind of figured you shared a dorm with someone.

Ben (7:05 pm): It’s kind of a dorm—it’s located on campus and everything. But everyone calls this building ‘the apartments’.

Rey (7:06 pm): Is your family rich?

Ben (7:08 pm): I’m surprised you haven’t worked that out yet.

Rey (7:09 pm): What, that you have money?

Ben (7:09 pm): No, that my mom’s the senator.

Rey (7:10 pm): Wait, as in Leia Organa-Solo?

Ben (7:10 pm): I told you my last name is Solo.

Rey (7:11 pm): Yeah, but I didn’t exactly think... well then. What does your dad do?

Ben (7:11 pm): He’s a pilot.

Rey (7:12 pm): That’s an awesome job!

Ben (7:12 pm): Not really. He never was at home. Between that and my mom being too busy with work, I was more or less ignored.

Rey (7:15 pm): Oh.

Rey (7:16 pm): I can definitely identify with that.

Ben (7:17 pm): So maybe we’re not as different as you might think.

Rey (7:20 pm): Is that why we keep texting each other?

Ben (7:20 pm): Maybe.

Ben (7:22 pm): What did you want to talk to me about?

Rey (7:23 pm): I don’t know. How did your essay go?

Ben (7:23 pm): It’s almost finished. It’s due on Friday, the tenth, so I’m planning on polishing it up tomorrow morning.

Rey (7:24 pm): They don’t give you a lot of time to write an eight-page essay.

Ben (7:24 pm): Yeah. I didn’t expect medical school to be easy, though.

Rey (7:25 pm): You seem exhausted.

Ben (7:25 pm): Don’t stop talking. You brighten this day a little.

Rey (7:26 pm): Are you okay?

Ben (7:30 pm): Not really feeling too well, and my dad’s getting on at me about ‘reconnecting’ at some point.

Rey (7:30 pm): Oh no, hope you’re not catching the flu or something.

Ben (7:30 pm): Don’t think so. I’m just feeling tired and a little nauseous.

Rey (7:31 pm): I hope you feel better soon, then. I take it you and your dad don’t get along very well?

Ben (7:33 pm): As I said, he more or less ignored me as a kid. Shipped me off to boarding school and everything. I’m not sure why I should forgive him now. I spoke about how I turned to alcohol in my freshman year? That was because of all that childhood stuff. It’s just ridiculous to assume that I’m willing to repair my relationship with my father after he caused all of that, you know?

Rey (7:34 pm): I can understand that. It’s funny, I’ve always longed to know who my parents were, and yet I get where you’re coming from.

Ben (7:35 pm): Sometimes it’s better to just let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become who you’re meant to be.

Ben (7:45 pm): What have you been up to today?

Rey (7:45 pm): Not a whole lot. Work, then I came home and played a game on my computer.

Ben (7:46 pm): What game?

Rey (7:46 pm): It’s stupid but—Portal 2. It’s a fun game.

Ben (7:47 pm): No way! I loved that game. Have you got a Discord account? We could play together.

Rey (7:48 pm): I do! I’m reyfromnowhere#5844

Ben (7:50 pm): From nowhere? Added you.

Rey (7:50 pm): You’re not Kyloren#8743, are you?

Ben (7:51 pm): Yeah, it’s a name I got from a game I played once. Kind of used it as by bad-boy alter-ego for a while.

Rey (7:52 pm): You’re weird. Wanna play for a bit?

Ben (7:52 pm): Sure. Meet you in multiplayer mode.

Ben (9:00 pm): Okay, I need to stop, Rey. The camera movement is making my nausea worse now.

Rey (9:01 pm): Yeah, that’s fine. You should get some sleep.

Ben (9:02 pm): Its only 9:00 though. I’ll lay down for a minute, but then I’ve still got some work to do. Ugh.

Rey (9:02 pm): You should’ve told me that before we started playing

Ben (9:10 pm): Yeah, but I needed to de-stress a bit. Thanks for that.

Rey (9:10 pm): Thought you had fallen asleep there.

Ben (9:11 pm): No, had to run to the bathroom.

Rey (9:11 pm): Did you just throw up?

Ben (9:12 pm): Maybe. I feel better now though.

Rey (9:12 pm): Make sure you stay hydrated, and try to eat something.

Ben (9:13 pm): I know. I’m a doctor, sweetheart.

Rey (9:15 pm): Forgot about that. Get some sleep, Ben. You can wake up early and study then.

Ben (9:16 pm): Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. We should actually do a call sometime, when I’m feeling a little better. Multiplayer was fun, but I want to hear your voice and see what you look like for a change.

Rey (9:17 pm): Definitely. I’ll climb onto the roof or something.

Ben (9:17 pm): Um, what?

Ben (9:18 pm): I’ve seen way too many falling-off-roof accidents in the ER; please don’t do that

Rey (9:20 pm): Fine, fine. Then we’ll have to find a time when Unkar isn’t home.

Rey (9:21 pm): But, for the record, I can take care of myself. I’ve climbed onto that roof dozens of times.

Ben (9:22 pm): Uh huh. Goodnight, Rey.

Rey (9:22 pm): Goodnight, Ben.


	3. Chapter 3

1/09/2020

Rey (6:47 am): Hey Ben, you feeling better this morning?

Ben (7:00 am): Yeah, quite a lot actually. Not sure what that was about last night. Probably mostly stress.

Rey (7:01 am): Good to hear. I’m heading off to work now, just wanted to check up on you first.

Ben (7:05 am): Thanks. How are things going there? You still grounded?

Rey (7:05 am): Talked my way out of it. I’m free :)

Ben (7:07 am): Good to hear. Be safe.

Rey (1:27 pm): So what exactly is the point in stitches? Like, are they strictly necessary? Can’t you just bandage yourself up and heal naturally?

Rey (1:31 pm): Just curious.

Ben (1:36 pm): Depends on the size of the wound. They don’t always just stop bleeding. Sutures would also lead to a smaller scar and a quicker healing time, not to mention a lessened chance of infection. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?

Rey (1:42 pm): Sooooo in theory how would you know if you need stitches?

Ben (1:42 pm): You hurt yourself, didn’t you?

Rey (1:43 pm): Maybe.

Ben (1:43 pm): I can practically feel that you’re about to say you can handle it. So, don’t.

Ben (1:44 pm): Send me a photo.

Rey (1:44 pm): It’s all wrapped up though.

Ben (1:45 pm): What happened and where is the cut located? Is it bleeding through the bandages?

Rey (1:45 pm): I cut myself on a piece of loose metal on one of the cars I was working on. I was reaching for a tool, and my arm was kinda sliced by the metal.

Ben (1:46 pm): Get to a hospital or urgent-care.

Ben (1:46 pm): You don’t mess with rusty or dirty objects. That can cause a bad infection. You need it cleaned up and, if you’re asking about sutures, you’ll probably need those too. And a tetanus shot.

Rey (1:47 pm): I can’t really just go to a hospital. We couldn’t pay for it, and Unkar would kill me.

Ben (1:47 pm): I’m not kidding, Rey. If you got this at work, then they should pay for it anyway. It’s the law.

Rey (1:47 pm): Yeah, about that—I don’t really work for them; I’m more of a contractor...

Ben (1:48 pm): God, Rey. 

Ben (1:49 pm): Fine, come over here then. I’ve got some medical stuff from the hospital.

Ben (1:49 pm): But you can’t tell anyone that I did this for you. It’s pretty illegal.

Rey (1:49 pm): Thank you so much! Uh, can you pick me up? I’m trying to apply pressure to this thing and I’m not sure I could drive my motorbike...

Ben (1:50 pm): What happened to your car? Yeah, okay, I’m on my way. Where are you?

Rey (1:51 pm): I’m not interrupting a class or something, am I? 

Ben (1:51 pm): Just finished one actually. My next class is only at 5:00. Location, please?

Rey (1:51 pm): Jakku Motors, on Sand street.

Ben (1:52 pm): *That’s* where you work?

Rey (1:52 pm): There’s nothing wrong with it. Stop judging.

Ben (1:52 pm): It’s just a terrible part of town. Alright, I’m in my car—sit down somewhere and wait for me if you’re bleeding a lot.

Rey (1:53 pm): Thanks for doing this. Guess we finally get to meet, huh?

Ben (1:55 pm): I can’t believe I’m driving my car into that area of town for someone I met via a wrong number.

Rey (1:55 pm): Don’t text and drive.

—

Ben pulled up to the curb, inhaling deeply as he peered out the window of the car before climbing out and flicking his gaze over the car shop. His attention was drawn to some movement over by a metal awning, and he walked slowly nearer, squinting at the brightness of the sun against the hot dirt under his feet and suddenly feeling very out of place in his spiffy black jeans and the blue shirt from his scrubs he hadn’t bothered to take off after class.

As he got closer, he heard voices, and spotted two men who looked to be about Ben’s age talking to a girl with brown hair, tied messily into a strange triple bun hairstyle.

“What do you mean, the car won’t be fixed today?” One of the men was asking, stepping closer to the girl. Ben continued walking closer. Could she be...?

“You’re lucky if that rust-bucket ever drives again,” the girl replied flippantly. “I can probably do it, but it’ll take a while.”

Ben stopped a couple yards away, trying to shift into a position where he could see the girl’s arms, as a conclusive way to see if it was really Rey. He caught sight of brown three-quarter length capris, and a too-large sweater which had probably once been white. Both sleeves were rolled up as high as they would go, and he finally caught a glimpse of a wrapped-up right arm, red blood seeping through the bandage. He was about to step forward when the man suddenly grabbed Rey’s arm.

He was about to step in, really he was, but something stopped him. A hint of curiosity, perhaps, as he watched her deftly kick him in the stomach. She was wearing light brown booties, adding to her eclectic look, and the move had been very impressive, almost karate-like. As he watched, entranced, she crossed her arms and stared at the men challengingly. “You want to try that again?”

“Ooh, feisty. What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a car shop?”

Ben found himself agreeing with the sentiment, although not with the sneering tone. He felt his fingernails dig into his palms and realized that his hands were clenched into fists. Yet his insatiable curiosity rooted him to the spot.

Rey grabbed a metal rod from against the wall, swinging it as the men prowled around her, successfully knocking one of them off their feet by swiping at their legs. Ben frowned appreciatively—somehow her actions weren’t violent, but smooth and totally non-lethal. She was holding a metal rod, and yet she was using it in such a way that would never land her target in a hospital.

Although Ben suspected that she could, if she wanted to.

He stepped forward then. “Clear out, losers,” he snapped, “or you’ll have me to deal with.” He backed his words up with a glare, knowing from experience that people would listen to that look. Maybe the scar across his right eye made him look even more intimidating. Oh well, if they were scared of him—they weren’t wrong.

The man on the ground scrambled to his feet, and they both started walking off, grumbling. “Come back on Monday for the car!” Rey called after him. “Although leave the attitude!” She turned around, and stopped cold as she seemed to suddenly realize exactly who had rescued her, not that she had needed it.

“I assume you’re Rey,” Ben said, looking her up and down. He could see now the streaks of oil and even a couple—rather recent-looking, judging by the oxidation—spots of blood on her white sweater. He knew he should be looking at her arm, and yet his eyes were drawn to her face, those thin eyebrows, the loose strands of hair sticking to the sweat on her face. Her skin was pale, and—she was blushing.

She seemed to find her voice then, and frowned at him. “I had that handled. I did not need your help there, you know.”

She had a slight accent, one that was both distinctly Jakku and much more posh than that.

“Oh, I know,” Ben chuckled. “Just thought that you probably shouldn’t be fighting. What with your arm and all.” Finally he managed to flick his eyes down to it, to the shock of red against the off-white bandage. His eyes immediately shot back to her face. Her lips. Oh, heavens, why did she have to be pretty?

“You’re blushing, idiot. I’m assuming from the shirt that you’re Ben.” She looked up at him with an uneven smile. “I thought maybe 200 pounds would be more...” she made an odd hand gesture, at a loss. “Uh, less muscles.”

Ben laughed, almost surprising himself by the sound. “Well then. You’re not quite what I expected. Come on, let’s get back to my car before one of these people steal it. What happened to your car, by the way?”

“Unkar borrowed it,” Rey said, making a face. “I told him it’s _my_ car, so he really shouldn’t use it, but then he started on with his usual story about me freeloading and all.”

Ben frowned, turning and walking toward the car with Rey trotting along next to him. “The government pays him, pretty well. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t be respecting you and paying for your medical bills—“

“Yeah, you’ve got that all wrong,” Rey sighed. “I’m 21, remember? Government only pays up til 18. I should technically be living on my own now, but I bargained to stay. So he’s got every right to hold that over my head.”

“What?” Ben stared at her. “Why would you want to stay, then?”

“Because I don’t make quite enough to live on my own. So I help out around the house and with the other kids so that I have a place to stay. It’s simple, really. I’m looking to move out, I’ve just yet to find a roommate.”

“But you’re actively looking?”

“Oh my goodness, is that your car?” Rey stopped, then suddenly ran forward and touched the red metal reverently. “It’s beautiful. Jaguar F Type 2?”

“You know your stuff.” Ben grinned, watching her look over the car in awe, and pulled the keys out, unlocking the car. “Hop in.”

“This is the best day of my life,” Rey said excitedly, pulling on the door handle with her right hand and then yanking it away with a pained hiss. “Ow, ow. Forgot that my arm hurt for a moment there.”

Ben walked past her, opening the door for her. “We should get back to my apartment then... I really want to check out that wound. You can have a look at my car another time.”

Rey nodded, sliding into the seat, holding her arm. Ben walked around the car and sat in the driver’s seat and pressing the ignition button, hearing the car purr to life. “Where’s your stick?”

“What? Oh, that old thing just hangs around the shop. It’s mine, and nobody’s ever taken it. I left it against the wall.”

“It doesn’t seem very safe, what you’re doing,” Ben mused as he pulled out into the street.

“Yeah, well, haven’t been abducted yet,” Rey joked, although her voice sounded a little weak.

Ben glanced at her briefly. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry, a little distracted. This thing is apparently still bleeding and I’m trying not to get blood all over your leather seats.”

Ben glanced at her again, a little alarmed as he noticed that there was indeed a bit of blood running down her arm. “Lift your arm above your head, and keep it there, okay? You’ve been moving around too much and it’s probably just started it up again.”

“Okay.” She looked at him. “It hurts more now that I’m thinking about it.”

“Then don’t.” Ben tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as they stopped at a red light.  
“I knew you were nearly 6’3”, but somehow you’re still a lot... bigger than I expected.”

Ben snorted. “Is that a compliment?”

“Just a comment.” She turned in her seat to look at him. “You don’t look a thing like I thought you would.”

“Keep that arm up. What’d you think I’d look like?”

“I kind of expected one of those plump guys who sit around playing video games.”

“Wow, thanks.” Ben hit the accelerator as the light turned green. He noticed Rey pull out her phone, lowering her right arm to text someone. “Uh uh, keep that arm up.”

“It’s Unkar,” Rey groaned, holding the phone above her head and peering up at it. “He’s asking where I am. Apparently ‘his friend’ saw me getting into a fancy car with a man.”

“What are you going to say to that?”

“Not sure.” Rey frowned. “Maybe you should just take me home. That way I could convince him that it’s not true.”

“No way. That arm looks bad.”

Rey sighed and leaned back in the seat. “It feels bad.”

“Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve got anything to numb the site with. I’ll need to talk to Poe.”

“Wait, I didn’t give you permission to tell other people about me.”

“Relax, he’s my friend. I’m pretty sure you don’t want me putting stitches in your skin without numbing you first.”

Rey fell silent, looking at her arm and then him slightly nervously. Ben’s mouth quirked as he tried to think of something else to say. “Didn’t expect it to go like this,” he said finally, turning onto another street.

“What to go like what?”

“Me, meeting you. You’re not quite what I expected.”

“Oh yeah? What’d you expect?”

Ben shrugged one shoulder. “I guess I didn’t really expect you to be so pretty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should warn you now that I have no idea where this story is going. Maybe I need to sit down and write an outline? I don’t know. I didn’t really mean to have them meet already, but I’m a failure at making things slow and my writing never fails to run away with me. It never really feels like I’m in control of it—anyone else get that feeling?
> 
> And thank you for all the love for this story! I honestly don’t think it’s my best, but thank you nonetheless :)


	4. Chapter 4

“Kylo’s brought home a girl!” Poe yelled, as Ben rolled his eyes. Rey was in his apartment, and Ben stepped out to Poe’s room across the hallway to ask for a local anesthetic.

Poe’s roommate, Finn, stepped up behind Poe. “You _what_?” Finn asked, staring at Ben.

“First off, it’s _Ben_ ,” the dark-haired man huffed. “And second of all, I only brought her here because she sliced her arm on a piece of metal and needs me to help her out.”

Finn made a face. “Call me to meet her when she’s all patched up.”

Poe stepped into the apartment and grabbed a tube of something. “Well, I’ve got some local anesthetic gel for kids, would that work?”

“Perfectly.”

“Awesome. Let’s go.”

“I didn’t ask you to come with,” Ben frowned.

“You know it’d be helpful to have another pair of eyes and hands. Neither of us are fully qualified to be a doctor, and I’m not missing out on the fun, anyway.”

Ben sighed heavily, turning around and walking back to his room with Poe following close behind.

“Poe invited himself in,” he warned Rey as he entered his apartment, then turned to look at her and froze.

She had removed her oversized sweater, to reveal a thin white camisole over a pretty visible white bra. It showed off her trim, even thin, figure, and Ben cleared his throat quickly, tearing his eyes away. “Ehm, you didn’t have to take that off.”

“For such a big, confident guy, you’re very easily flustered,” Rey laughed. “And yeah. I did, because your house is clean and I didn’t want to get car oil on your couch, and also you actually want to see my whole arm without a sleeve getting in the way, I would assume.”

“Right.” Ben frowned at Poe, realizing that the other man was laughing, and turned quickly back to Rey. “Would you mind sitting on the kitchen counter? Not sure where else to do this, and the height would be a lot more conducive to everything.”

“Yeah, sure.” Rey stood up quickly, then grabbed onto the couch. “Ooh, dizzy.”

“Easy, girl,” Poe said. “I’m Poe, by the way. I’m studying to be a pediatrician, hence why you’re going to get children’s anesthetic.”

“Anesthetic? Wouldn’t that, like, put me to sleep?”

“Local anesthetic,” Ben laughed, walking to the kitchen and washing his hands up to the elbow. “Just numbs the area.”

“Okay, good. I’ve only known you for a week, and something about passing out at any guy’s house when no one knows where you are seems like a really bad idea.”

“Wise,” Ben agreed, opening a drawer and pulling out some gloves and a plastic container.

“Could I do the stitches?” Poe asked.

“No way,” Ben replied. “I get to do the fun stuff here. Besides, I’ll be stitching up a lot more wounds in my job than you will.”

“Yeah, so it’s not fair,” Poe groaned.

“You’re the one who chose that career,” Rey pointed out. “So you like kids? Oh, yeah, I’m Rey.” She held out her hand to shake Poe’s, but Ben looked up.

“Keep that arm above your head.”

Rey rolled her eyes as she hopped up onto the island in the middle of the kitchen, touching the granite reverently. “Why is this place so fancy?”

“It costs a lot of money. That’s why Poe here had to get a roommate,” Ben said, ripping open a sterile packet and removing a pair of forceps. He set them down on top of the packet and turned to Rey. “Okay, we’ve got everything, I think. Time to see what we’re dealing with here.”

“Surely you’re not supposed to have all this equipment?”

“Not really, but one just somehow ends up with them after a while. You going to take off the bandage, or shall I?”

“Uh.” Rey looked at her arm nervously, then extended it to Ben. “You can do it.”

“Wouldn’t have taken you as the squeamish type,” Ben quipped, carefully and clinically taking her arm and unwrapping the makeshift bandage. “Could you hand me some damp paper towels, Poe?”

“On it.” Poe handed him the paper towels, and Ben wiped gently at the area around the wound, cleaning away the blood and revealing a large, jagged cut. He could feel how tense Rey was beneath his hand. “What exactly happened here?” Poe asked. “That looks bad.”

“You bet it does,” Ben agreed. “Cut herself on some metal from a car she was repairing.”  
“You repair cars?” Poe asked Rey, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah. Don’t look so skeptical. I’m pretty good at it, too. Ow, Ben, what are you doing?”

“Rinsing the cut,” Ben replied calmly, pouring water from a small pitcher onto the wound as he held her arm over the sink. “A bit of gentle soap in here, too. If this came from metal, ideally you should get an X-ray to be sure there aren’t any fragments in there, but a thorough cleaning is the best thing we can do right now.”

Rey winced. “Okay, isn’t that enough?”

“Mm, and I thought you were tough,” Ben teased. “Poe—wash your hands and apply the anesthetic. And grab me some more towels to wipe this thing while I sew it up, would you?” He picked up the needle-nose pliers and the plastic container, breaking the plastic cover off the curved needle before gripping it with the pliers.

“Uh, I didn’t realize there’s an actual needle on there.”

“Of course there is. How else would I get through your skin?”

Rey shuddered and pulled away from Poe as the man tried to wipe some of the gel onto her skin. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Ben sighed. “Rey—you don’t exactly have a choice. This needs stitches, or it’s going to give you some serious complications, I guarantee that. It won’t hurt.”

“How do you know? Have you ever gotten stitches?”

“I walked in one day and he was giving them to himself,” Poe chuckled. “In the mirror. Like a total idiot. He almost stabbed himself in the eye when I walked in.”

“What?” Rey stared at Ben. “Is that true?”

“Yeah.” Ben shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t feel like answering questions at the hospital, so I just did it myself.”

“Was that the face wound?” Rey asked, looking at the scar across Ben’s eye.

“Yep.”

“What happened?”

“Got into a fight at a bar, and someone came at me with a broken bottle.”

Rey reached out with her left hand, touching the scar, and Ben drew away quickly, uncomfortably, trying to ignore the burning in his face and ears.

“I hope you let Poe finish the job.”

“I did, don’t worry. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“That’s absolutely right,” Poe chuckled, and poked Rey’s arm. “Can you feel that?”

Ben could see the anxiety flood back into Rey’s face. “No.”

“Breathe, sweetheart, it’s going to be okay.” Ben picked up the pliers again and walked closer to her arm, carefully inserting the needle a short distance from where the skin was broken. It came out just inside the wound, as he had wanted it to, and he carefully pulled on it as Rey watched, chattering nervously.

“That’s the second time you’ve called me that, you know. The first time, I took it as a sort of insult, as if I was below you.”

“Didn’t mean it like that,” Ben murmured, focusing on inserting the needle through the other side of the wound and back out the skin.

“How did you guys meet?” Poe asked. “No offense, but Rey’s a bit different from the girls you usually date.”

“We’re not dating,” Ben said flatly, eyes not shifting from his work.

“He was trying to text some guy named Hux and got me instead,” Rey replied. “So, yeah. A wrong number. I just sort of kept texting him, so now we’re friends.”

“We’ve only known each other for a week,” Ben added. 

“Huh.”

Ben finally looked up, narrowing his eyes at his friend. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t usually let people ride in your car. She must be pretty special.”

“Shut up,” Ben growled, looking down at Rey’s arm again and working on the third stitch.

“How long will this take?” Rey asked, looking at the ceiling.

“A while,” Ben replied honestly. “This cut is, what, six inches long? And it’s usually around five or six stitches per inch. So.”

“So I’m going to need, like, thirty stitches?” Rey’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, you really shouldn’t have had any doubt about needing a doctor for this. It’s a bad cut, and pretty big.”

“Not to mention jagged,” Poe replied, leaning on the counter and watching Ben work.

“I have to get home before Unkar gets really worried,” Rey groaned, flopping her head back.

“What did you tell him in that text?”

“I didn’t reply.”

“Hm.” Ben frowned as he inserted another stitch. “I’m not sure what to say about that, except that I doubt he’s really concerned.”

“He might kick me out for it, though,” Rey sighed.

“You don’t need to be there anyway,” Ben said darkly, tugging the next stitch tightly together.

“You’d rather me be on the streets?” Rey raised an eyebrow.

Ben didn’t reply, continuing to sew up the wound methodically. 

“You got a problem with her parents?” Poe asked, opening a cabinet in Ben’s kitchen.

“Foster parent, and he’s borderline neglectful,” Ben huffed. “Fruit Loops are in the cabinet next to that one.”

“You’re the best,” Poe grinned, pulling the cereal box off the shelf and eating fruit loops straight from the box.

“I think I’m starting to feel my arm again,” Rey said suddenly, wincing as he finished another stitch.

“Grab me some more of the numbing stuff, would you, Poe?”

He nodded, putting down the fruit loops and washing his hands again. Ben stepped away a little, letting Poe smear some more of the gel on the edges of the wound. “I’m going to run to the bathroom,” Poe said, walking out of the kitchen.

Ben continued sewing, then took a deep breath and started talking. “Look, if you would like to stay here—“

“No, I couldn’t,” Rey replied firmly. “I’m no charity case. And I don’t... belong here. It’s not who I am. Not who I was raised to be, you know? It wouldn’t ever work. We’ve got different values, Ben.”

“Right.” Ben inserted the needle again, releasing the forceps and clamping them on the other side of the needle, as he reflected on the fact that her words didn’t sound like she was only talking about living there. “Yes, you’re probably right.” He hesitated before adding, “But that doesn’t mean one can’t change their position in life.”

“A leopard can’t change its spots,” Rey shrugged, and Ben shot her a glare, grabbing her arm to keep it still.

“Do you _want_ me to mess this up?”

“Um, no. I’m trusting you with my life here, you’d _better_ not mess up. How can I trust you’re as good as you say you are, anyway?”

Ben snorted. “I mean, my face looks pretty good, right?”

“Isn’t the point of stitches to minimize the scar?” She said pointedly, seemingly unafraid of offending him.

“Hey, that was a bad cut,” Ben scowled. “It left less of a scar than it could have.”

“I’ve gotta say, it’s a pretty intense bar fight wound.” She reached up her hand to touch it, and Ben pulled away.

“Have you got no inhibitions?” He muttered.

Poe walked back in as Rey laughed. “I’m going to guess it wasn’t a broken bottle or a bar fight at all.”

Ben blinked at her. “You’re insinuating I’m lying?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I think you embellished the story for your own purposes. Looks more like... a car accident? Or something stupid, like... you fell while walking on the street?”

Ben snorted. “I’m not dignifying this with a response.”

“But you’re blushing. I bet you ten bucks I’m right.”

Ben didn’t respond for a long time, glancing back at Poe, who was eating his fruit loops again. He finally sighed. “I got in the middle of something I shouldn’t have.”

“Oooh,” Rey said, at the same time as Poe let out a surprised, “What?”

“You have to tell us the story,” Rey told him.

“Pretty sure that wasn’t part of the deal,” Ben replied calmly, tying off a stitch. “That’s all you’re getting out of me, I’m afraid.”

Rey sighed. “Fine. But I’ll get it out of you eventually.” 

The words sent a prickle down Ben’s spine, because somehow, he knew that she would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just... I kind of hate this fic? Like it’s fun to write but I feel like it’s really terribly done. Uh, if you disagree, feel free to tell me, but I just feel like it’s a bad piece of writing.
> 
> Anyway. I have got plans for this story so I’ll probably continue it anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

11/10/2020

Ben blinked his eyes open to the sound of an incoming text, and groaned as he rolled over to grab his phone. 

Rey (6:03 am): Thanks for yesterday. Good luck on your paper!

Ben (6:04 am): Who texts someone at six in the morning?

Rey (6:05 am): Someone’s grumpy in the mornings.

Ben (6:20 am): How did it go with your foster dad?

Rey (6:45 am): Badly. I’m staying with my boss, Luke, right now, but I’ll probably head back over there once he’s calmed down.

Ben (6:46 am): Why?

Rey (7:00 am): I need to find somewhere. I’m not a freeloader.

Rey (7:01am): I’m at work. Talk more later.

Ben (7:02 am): Give me an update on your arm when you can. If it shows any sign of infection, I need to know about it.

***

Rey (5:28 pm): So how did the paper go?

Ben (5:30 pm): I turned it in. I don’t know yet what it’ll be scored as or anything.

Rey (5:30 pm): Someone’s in a bad mood.

Ben (5:31 pm): I’m tired.

Rey (5:31 pm): I suppose you wouldn’t be interested in hearing me rant about something, then?

Ben (5:32 pm): No, no, please do. I want to hear it.

Rey (5:35 pm): I went to see Unkar after work, and he said that I have to start paying him if I wanted to stay there. I told him that we had already made a deal with me helping with the child care, but he wouldn’t listen. I don’t have the money he was asking for. So now I’m back at Luke’s house, and I feel like an idiot... I can tell he doesn’t want me here. He’s made it pretty obvious, constantly ignoring me or reminding me that it’s temporary. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone.

Ben (5:36 pm): Can I call you?

Rey (5:36 pm): Okay.

Ben switched over to Discord and clicked the call button, which was almost immediately picked up by Rey. She appeared to be sitting on her bed, her laptop in her lap, and there were tears on her face. He was gripped by the sudden urge to hug her, to tell her everything was alright—but of course, he couldn’t. He could only stare at her through the screen of his monitor. She attempted a smile and squeaked out a shy, “hi.”

Ben found himself speaking, despite not really knowing what he was saying. Why he was saying it. “Rey, I want to tell you that I understand. I... I never felt wanted as a child. I think my parents loved me—well, I know they do now—but as a kid, I... I was mostly ignored. I felt like more of a nuisance than anything. So I understand. I’ve always struggled to make friends, and even Poe is only my friend because we’re in a lot of classes together. I don’t feel like he gets me. It can be easy to feel out of place. I... I don’t really know why I’m telling you this, Rey, but I guess what I’m trying to say is... you’re not alone.”

Rey wiped a tear from her eyes. “Neither are you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

They both stared at each other for several moments, unsure of how to proceed after that emotional conversation.

“You’re always welcome here,” Ben finally murmured.

“I don’t belong there, Ben. I told you that last time.”

“And you belong in the house of some old guy who doesn’t even want you there?”

Rey rubbed her face with a hand. “I don’t know,” she admitted miserably. She forced a laugh. “At least I’m closer to work.”

Ben didn’t laugh back. “I want to help.”

“Why? You only just met me.” Rey shifted the computer slightly. “Why should I trust you? You’ve obviously been involved in some questionable things in the past.”

Ben, who had been looking at something on his desk, whipped his head up at the statement. “How do you—?”

“I mean, you said as much, with your face,” Rey huffed.

Ben frowned, looking away. She was right, of course—it felt as if she could see through him. He glanced at those hazel eyes of hers, that determination written on her face. A determination built out of not having things given to her, he realized. She worked for everything she had, and that made her so... good. Something he could only aspire to be.

He was met with the sudden realization that having him in her life would only make it worse for her.

“Go on, tell me. Give me a reason to trust you.”

“You shouldn’t trust me,” he blurted out suddenly. He needed out of this. He needed to let her go.

Rey blinked at him. “That’s a sudden change of tune.”

Ben tapped a pencil against the textbook which was open on his desk. He should turn off the call. He should get out of her life, for her own good. And yet, one more long look into those hazel eyes, and he found himself speaking. “I was a drug addict.”

“Oh.” Rey stared at him in surprise. “I wouldn’t have pinned you as that.”

He should stop talking. Say goodbye. But he found that he couldn’t.

“I stole from my parents,” Ben added, watching her expression. She didn’t respond, so he continued. “I would go out late at night and meet up with my supplier. I was doing that one night when...” he hesitated, swallowing hard and looking back down at his desk. This secret—it has been eating him up for so long, and he almost forgot that he was talking to Rey in the sudden catharsis he was feeling. “When I noticed him holding someone against the wall of the alleyway I was to meet him in. A girl. She looked terrified, and he was talking to her in a low voice, saying things I couldn’t catch, but his intentions—well. I couldn’t just stand there and watch, so I... I went in, I punched the guy, and the girl ran off without a glance back. But I suddenly didn’t want to give him my money anymore, I was lost in the moment; I needed the drugs—“ he stopped, picking at his nails. “He attacked me with his knife, trying to stop me, but I tackled him down and took the drugs from him. He hit his head. I left. I wonder to this day if I killed him.” He glanced up at Rey, whose face was decidedly pale, and the force of what he had told her hit him. “You _shouldn’t_ trust me, Rey. You’re right. I’m not a good person.”

She stared at him, and then suddenly, abruptly, the call ended.

Ben picked up his textbook and threw it at the wall, before laying his head on his desk, sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop. There you guys go. I don’t think my writing is improving at all but I had fun with this chapter, even though it’s a bit angsty or whatever, I guess. It’s kind of bugging me because—it should have been longer. It should have taken more time for this to happen. But I really can’t for the life of me figure out how to extend it, so here we are.
> 
> And, I mean—I think Ben is somebody who has a lot to get off his chest. Maybe he just needed to talk, so it just... happened.
> 
> Hope you don’t hate me or him for the final reveal of what happened :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too short, really, but here you go, some drama.

1/11/2020

Ben (12:20 am): Rey... please. Would you say something?

Ben (12:21 am): I know that probably came as a shock. I’m sorry.

Ben (12:36 am): I don’t want to lose you.

Ben (1:15 am): I’m sorry. Never mind. You’re better off without me.

***

Poe (12:34 pm): Dude, I haven’t seen you at all yet this weekend. Are you away?

Ben (12:35 pm): No, I’m here. Just... studying.

Poe (12:36 pm): You feeling depressed again?

Ben (12:38 pm): Just leave me alone, Poe.

Poe (12:38 pm): Yeah, no. What’s wrong?

Poe (12:41 pm): Fine, don’t tell me then.

Poe (12:42 pm): Hey, there’s this party on tonight—why don’t you tag along with Finn and I and have some fun?

Ben (12:43 pm): I don’t do parties.

Poe (12:43 pm): Why not? You used to. Come on! It’ll be good!

Ben (12:44 pm): Where is it?

Poe (12:45 pm): I’ll pick you up at 8:00 tonight, then!

Ben (12:45 pm): Wait, hold on, I never agreed to anything

Poe (12:46 pm): Too late to change your mind now! 8:00. Be ready.

***

Ben stepped into the house and was immediately handed a red plastic cup of some sort of alcoholic punch, which he smelled suspiciously and wrinkled his nose at. Poe laughed, taking a long sip from his and slinging his arm around Finn. “Come on, let’s go see what’s going on here!”

Ben hung back, not following his friends as they disappeared into the crowd. He stood on the sidelines, looking around. He didn’t fit in here, not anymore, despite the fact that he used to frequent these areas all the time. But then, he was always drunk or high... and look where that had led him.

Poe had been right, Ben had been feeling depressed, unable to sleep as the reminder of his possibly having murdered someone, and the look on Rey’s face as he told her, played repeatedly through his mind. She probably hated him now, having seen a glimpse of the hatred that bubbled deep inside of him. Screw it, he thought, tossing the punch back in a few large sips and navigating to the drinks table for a refill. At least drunk, he’d forget about Rey. Forget about everything.

The party definitely was infinitely more exciting when the world was fuzzy around the edges, Ben decided, several strong drinks in to the evening. He was almost enjoying himself, out on the patio now and watching guys jump into the swimming pool, fully-clothed and singing a terrible rendition of a song Ben couldn’t recognize. He turned around, feeling a sudden tap at his shoulder.

A familiar redhead sneered back at him. “You’ve finally decided to show up,” he grinned. “And here we thought you had gone soft on us.”

Ben scowled at him. “Leave me alone, Hux,” he said, surprised to find his words slurring a little.

Hux laughed. “I thought I heard you’d found yourself a girl. Didn’t work out, then?” Ben glared at him. “Did she find out what a nutcase you are?”

Ben grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare.”

Hux’s eyes flickered nervously to his arm, and yet he kept talking heedlessly. “Yes, why don’t you show us what you’re really good at? That rage inside. You could never be a real doctor with that, and you know it, Ben.”

It was stupid, but there was that rage again, welling up inside him until all he could see was red, all he could focus on was his fist slamming into that arrogant man’s face. Hux stumbled backwards, and the crowd started shouting excitedly, moving away as the men stumbled toward the pool, grappling with each other wildly, before suddenly they slipped and splashed into the cold water.

The shock of the landing forced a hint of sobriety back into Ben as he swam to the surface, coughing up water he had swallowed during his fall. The world felt foggy and dull as he watched as Hux popped up opposite him, red blood streaming from his nose mixing with the clear water around him. Ben panted, treading water as he hesitated, suddenly realizing what exactly he had done as he took in Hux’s expression, which was somehow still superior even though his face was tinged with pain.

_I just proved his point._

And just when he thought the night couldn’t get any worse, his ears filled with the sound of police sirens.

_I’m an idiot._

***

“Hey, cheer up, at least you’ve got friends who were willing to bail you out,” Finn said cheerfully, patting Ben on the back.

“You left me the whole night,” Ben huffed, walking away from the police station and toward Poe’s car.

“In our defense, it was already 1:00am by the time you got into that little fight,” Finn said.

“I didn’t want you to throw up in my car or something,” Poe added, then hesitated before quietly continuing, “And you’re not exactly fun to be around when you’re drunk. You get a bit, uh. Angry.”

“Maybe you should think about that before you take me somewhere where everyone’s drinking.” Ben slid into the backseat of the car, leaning his throbbing head against the leather seat.

“Nobody told you you had to get absolutely _wasted_ ,” Poe huffed.

“Yeah, your stupid decision isn’t our fault,” Finn said firmly. “We just wanted you to have fun. And Hux, really? I thought you were okay with him now.”

Poe turned on the car’s ignition, and winked at Ben as he turned to look behind them to reverse out of the parking bag. “Yeah, after all, he was indirectly the cause of you meeting Rey.”

Ben studied his hands. “Rey doesn’t want to hear from me anymore,” he murmured.

“That’s what this is about?” Finn asked, glancing back at him. “What, you’ve fallen in love with her in like a week and she freaked out?”

“I’m not _in love_ with her, idiot. She’s just a friend. I thought we had a lot in common, and I enjoyed talking to her. That’s all.”

Poe frowned. “So what happened?”

Ben shrugged, staring out the window. “I told her something and she freaked out about it.”

“What did you tell her?” Poe asked. When Ben didn’t answer, he pressed the subject. “About your anger issues or something?”

Ben glared at the driver’s seat in front of him. “I do not have anger issues.”

Finn snorted. “Yeah, I’ll believe that when we’re _not_ bailing you out of jail.”

Ben set his jaw, looking at his hands again, which had curled into fists, and realized that they were right. All he wanted to do was hit something now, hurt something until his own hurt went away. That feeling of guilt returned—he was better off without any friends. How safe was he to them, really? A familiar feeling of self-hatred welled up inside of him, a million voices in his head telling him he was a failure. His father, leaving him for his job, telling him to man up even as Ben cried at him to stay. His mother’s disapproving looks when she had caught him stealing. All he was was a disappointment.


	7. Chapter 7

1/13/2020

Rey (8:36 am): My arm is really swollen.

Rey (8:37 am): And, uh, it’s oozing slightly?

Rey (8:37 am): I’ve taken the day off because of it because it really hurts.

Ben stared at the text, his mind racing with how to answer her, or even if he should. He had decided not to let her in again... but it was her arm. That was important. Right? He hesitated before deciding to give a straightforward, clinical answer.

Ben (8:48 am): It’s probably infected. You need to get to an urgent care for some antibiotics.

Rey (8:50 am): You can’t fix this one?

_Don’t help her. Let her go. She’ll take care of it herself. She will._

_...But what if she doesn’t?_

Ben (8:55 am): I’ll take you there and pay for it, if you’re okay with that.

Rey (9:00 am): I don’t know if that’s wise.

Ben (9:01 am): Rey... Let me help you. Just for this. Then we can talk.

Ben (9:02 am): Please?

Rey (9:05 am): I’ll drop you a pin to my location.

***

Ben pulled up to the curb, unseatbelting himself. He was about to climb out of the car when the passenger’s door opened, and Rey hopped in. “Hey,” she said with a small, nervous smile. Ben stared at her, taking in the dark circles under her eyes and the messy hairstyle she was sporting. He slowly put his seatbelt back on, going through several options of what to say in his mind. He should let her know this was a one-time thing... yet somehow that didn’t seem too important to start with. Not yet.

“Thank you for letting me help you. I know you’re upset at me.”

“I’m not,” Rey admitted, staring straight ahead.

“Well, shocked, then.” Ben turned on the car and drove off.

Rey let out a humorless chuckle. “You could say that.”

Ben shot her a curious look, then flicking his eyes back to the busy streets. “I’m going to get a better deal going to the hospital I intern at. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she said distantly.

“Are you okay?”

She rubbed her face with the palm of her hand. “I hate the fact that you always have to save me. I’m sorry.”

“It’s hardly been always, Rey. Only twice now, and the infection could be my own fault, anyway.”

“It’s probably due to me working with it,” she shrugged.

He sighed exasperatedly. “I told you to take it easy.”

“Well, seems I ignored that,” Rey replied with a small laugh.

Ben laughed, relieved for the ease in the tension. Rey leaned over to look at the dashboard. “Have you got Bluetooth in here?”

“Of course,” Ben said with a tentative smile, handing her his phone. “It’s hooked up to my phone. Feel free to use Spotify to find whatever you’d like.”

Rey started playing _When the Workd Breaks Your Heart_ , by the Goo Goo Dolls, and Ben smiled in approval. “I like this one.”

“The Goo Goo Dolls are amazing,” Rey gushed, wiping away the last of the tension. “My favorite is probably this one or _Rebel Beat _. What’s yours?”__

__“Probably _Stay With You_ ,” Ben smiled._ _

__The rest of the car ride passed easily, with the two of them sharing their favorite songs._ _

__***_ _

__“So what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” Ben asked, walking down the aisle at the grocery store._ _

__“You don’t actually have to buy me ice cream,” Rey laughed, holding her arm as she followed him. She had freaked out when the doctor had squeezed the puss out of her wound, and Ben had promised her he’d get her ice cream to compensate for the pain she was feeling._ _

__“Of course I did,” Ben replied. “You really should have let me just stop at Dairy Queen or something.”_ _

__Rey crossed her arms. “Grocery store ice cream is more reasonably priced, and just as good.”_ _

__Ben raised his eyebrows doubtfully, reaching into the freezer. “Chocolate moose tracks?”_ _

__“How did you know I wanted chocolate?” Rey asked, laughing._ _

__“Just an inkling,” Ben replied, grinning at her as he turned and started walking back to the cash registers. “You want to come over and eat this at my place?”_ _

__“I kind of assumed that was the idea,” Rey shrugged._ _

__Ben went through the self-checkout, and looked at Rey as they walked back to the car. He swallowed hard, rehearsing his next words over and over in his head before finally eking them out, his voice coming out a little higher-pitched than intended. “So you’re not afraid of me?”_ _

__“Why would you think that?” Rey climbed into the car, lovingly stroking the leather seats as Ben slid into the driver’s seat._ _

__“Maybe because you flipped out when I told you what I’d done, and didn’t talk to me the whole weekend?”_ _

__Rey swallowed and looked at her nails. “Let’s not talk about that right now.”_ _

__Ben nodded, reversing the car and driving to campus. They managed to get into his room without either Poe or Finn noticing them._ _

__Ben pulled out some glass dishes and scooped ice cream into each of them. He wordlessly handed Rey one of the dishes, and she smiled. “Mind if I sit on the couch with this?”_ _

__“Not at all.” Ben settled onto it next to her, switching the tv on. “Do you want to watch something?”_ _

__“Don’t you have class today?”_ _

__“I do this evening, but I did all my homework over the weekend.” _More specifically, on Saturday, _he added to himself with a twinge of guilt. _Before I was either in jail or hung over_. He surfed through the cable channels as Rey looked on in awe.___ _

____“That’s a lot of stuff to watch.”_ _ _ _

____Ben nodded, pausing on a rerun of an old episode of America’s Got Talent. “How about this?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, let’s see it.”_ _ _ _

____They watched the episode, and Ben felt himself relax as they laughed over some of the acts, and debated whether or not they would let them actually pass on to the next round if they were the judges. Finally the episode ended, and Rey sighed, leaning her head against the couch. “This was nice.”_ _ _ _

____Ben hummed in agreement, turning off the tv. “Want some more ice cream? Or lunch, that might be a better idea.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” Rey said softly. “But I should probably be getting back.”_ _ _ _

____“You still staying with Luke?”_ _ _ _

____“Unfortunately.” She grabbed a tissue from the table and wiped at her wound._ _ _ _

____Ben stood up and walked into the kitchen, and _listened_ as his own mouth said the opposite of what he should be saying. “And you still won’t consider staying here? You’d have your own room. I wouldn’t bother you. There’s a bus near here that could take you to work, or I could drive you.”_ _ _ _

____“I have a car, remember?”_ _ _ _

____Ben turned around to stare at her. “So you’re considering it?” Rey shrugged, and he stared at her. “Can you talk to me, Rey? I want to understand what you’re thinking, I really do. You don’t contact me for days, and then suddenly we’re okay again, you’re even considering my offer, at last.”_ _ _ _

____Rey bit her lip. “When I was 18, Unkar’s nephew lived with us in the foster home. He was... violent, and we all realized right away that he was a drug addict. We all avoided him like the plague.”_ _ _ _

____“So my history with drugs scares you because of that?”_ _ _ _

____“Let me finish, Ben. One night, I was walking home from work late, and he just—appeared out of nowhere, pulled me into an alleyway, and pressed me against the wall. I didn’t know what to do; he was strong and high and I didn’t know how to fight, then.”_ _ _ _

____Ben walked slowly back to the couch, sitting down on the end. “But you got away, right?”_ _ _ _

____“I got away because someone else appeared out of nowhere and punched him. And I ran off.”_ _ _ _

____Ben stared at her, his eyes widening. “And you think...”_ _ _ _

____“It sounds to me like that was you. I never saw him again after that night. And I taught myself self-defense. But you saved me, Ben.”_ _ _ _

____Neither of them spoke for a long time, and then Ben let out a small, humorless chuckle. “What are the chances.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry I ignored you,” she whispered. “It just... brought back memories I didn’t want to deal with. It was a lot to come to terms with, that my one friend was somehow...” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”_ _ _ _

____“No, no, I get it,” Ben murmured, gazing abstractly at the wall. “You say he never came back?”_ _ _ _

____“That’s irrelevant,” Rey suddenly snapped. “He was a terrible person. He didn’t care about anyone, and he tried to manipulate us into giving him money. He tried to _rape_ me. If you killed him, I say good for you.”_ _ _ _

____Ben blinked at her. “I didn’t expect to see that level of darkness in you.”_ _ _ _

____“There’s a bit of darkness in everyone, I think,” Rey mused. “A balance. Light and dark. And you’re not on the dark side because you made a mistake, Ben.”_ _ _ _

____A knock on the door rescued a floundering Ben from trying to find a response, and he quickly cleared his throat, throwing the door open to see Poe. “Hey, you ditched class this morning,” he said, in an accusatory tone. “I wanted to check that you were okay, because you weren’t responding to my texts.”_ _ _ _

____“I... overslept,” Ben said quickly. “I’ll be in class tonight.”_ _ _ _

____Poe rolled his eyes. “Fine, but let me come in and give you the notes from today’s work.”_ _ _ _

____Ben hesitated. “I’m kind of busy right now.”_ _ _ _

____Poe stared at him as if he had three heads. “I’m literally saving your butt here. I made excuses for you. I’m not letting you blow me off. Not on top of the other night.”_ _ _ _

____Ben glanced awkwardly over at Rey, who was glaring at him. “Come in,” she called out, and Poe jumped, startled by the voice, and then stared at Ben intently._ _ _ _

____“Did you two...?”_ _ _ _

____“No,” Ben growled, stepping aside to let Ben in. “Her arm was bothering her this morning, so I drove her down to the hospital. She’s got an infection.”_ _ _ _

____“You mean you guys made up?” He asked Rey. “Since when? When did this happen, Ben?”_ _ _ _

____Rey’s face creased into a small smile at Ben’s irritated expression. “I just texted him this morning. And Ben, you said you didn’t have any classes. Liar.”_ _ _ _

____“I didn’t tell you I didn’t have any this morning,” he huffed, grabbing a loaf of bread from the refrigerator. “Who wants lunch?”_ _ _ _

____“Me,” Poe said. “You still owe me. By the way—I heard Hux telling someone else that he’s not pressing charges, which you’ll be glad to hear. You broke his nose, you know.”_ _ _ _

____Rey looked up at Ben sharply. “What happened?”_ _ _ _

____Ben glared at Poe. “You didn’t exactly have to broadcast that to the world.”_ _ _ _

____Rey put her hands on her hips. “I noticed that cut on your cheek; I was going to ask you about it anyway. What happened?”_ _ _ _

____Ben shifted uncomfortably. “I... got in a fight.”_ _ _ _

____Rey stared at him. “Who started it?”_ _ _ _

____“I threw the first punch, but he—“_ _ _ _

____Rey’s mouth opened, and he caught a glimpse of rage in her hazel eyes. “You tell me you’re done with being violent, try to invite me into your house, and this whole time you’ve just beaten someone up?” Her voice was low, icy. “I’m leaving. Thank you for the ride. I’ll take the bus. You can send me the stupid bill.”_ _ _ _

____Ben stared helplessly as she stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her, and his own traitorous mind berated him. _You knew you should have told her this right in the beginning. You knew this would happen. Wake up and face the consequences.__ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I’m on Tumblr, come say hi!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/artistwolfdesigns)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Your comments are all so, so sweet, and they really brighten my day. I do have a full-time job though and I had a super busy weekend so I’m having a hard time finding time to respond to them. Just know that I cherish each and every one of them! Thank you so much and I’m so glad you’re enjoying this story!!
> 
> a) Yes, I’m giving off alcoholic vibes for Ben. Do with that what you will.
> 
> b) Finally more about Ben and Poe’s friendship :)
> 
> c) I apologize for any inaccuracies with the medical stuff. I have no idea what I’m doing with it tbh, and although I did try to research it, I came up pretty empty lol.
> 
> d) Sorry for the late post! I actually quite like this chapter so I hope you do too ;)

1/16/2020

“Focus,” Poe growled at Ben. “You’re supposed to be helping me analyze this urine sample, not stare into space while I do all the work.”

Ben didn’t reply, but bent over the microscope. “Probably a UTI, judging by the crystals.”

“Yeah, I said that ten minutes ago. Where’s your head at? Look, I’m sorry about what happened on Monday, but you can’t just abandon all your studies and not work with me because of it. Besides, she had a right to know.”

“Don’t talk about that,” Ben snapped, placing a testing stick into the sample. “The party was your fault, anyway.”

“Don’t start with that. Why did you choose to drink?”

“You really don’t understand my relationship with alcohol,” Ben muttered, looking intently at the test stick and moving it toward the light to read the results.

Poe grabbed Ben’s arm and turned him to face him. “Look, I get that you’re upset that she’s pushing you away. But let’s not pretend that your anger issues are my fault.”

Ben looked away and exhaled deeply. “No.”

Poe stared at him. “Uh, did you actually just agree with me?”

“Yep.” Ben turned back to the lab equipment and pulled at his gloves, irritated by the dampness of his hands under the latex.

There was silence for a while as they analyzed the results of the test. Finally, Poe spoke. “Okay, so you’re just upset that Rey’s not texting you anymore?”

Ben grabbed a pipette off of the tray of medical supplies. “She did text me.”

“She did?” Poe stared at him.

“She apologized for running off and bring so quick to judge me. But I’m not responding.”

“Why would you not respond?”

“Because I’m a mess,” Ben snorted, dripping a test liquid into a vial of the sample.

“You’re in medical school,” Poe pointed out. “You’ve pretty much got it together if you managed that.”

Ben shrugged. “There’s a lot that people don’t know about me.”

“I think you’re judging yourself a little too harshly.” Poe frowned as he watched the urine sample turn blue with the latest testing liquid.

Ben turned to him. “Pretty conclusive. Kidney infection, seen by the elevated—“

“Yeah, yeah, got it. Can we talk for a moment?”

“I’d really rather not.”

“I’m worried about you, Ben. You’ve always been a bit moody, but I’m starting to see a few traits in you that are a bit concerning.”

“I thought you were studying to be a pediatrician, not a psychiatrist,” Ben muttered drily.

“I just want to know why you think you’re the worst failure ever, because you’re not. I’ve always seen you as very clever and you’ll be a great doctor one day. As long as you stay sober, you’re fine.” Ben sighed and leaned his hands against the table, looking straight ahead, so Poe pressed on. “What did Hux say to you that made you punch him?”

He got a reaction from that—Ben’s fluffy black hair swung around his face as he turned to stare at Poe. “What?”

“He knows you,” Poe pointed out, “Probably better than anyone. You and him were pretty close once.”

“We hated each other’s guts,” Ben snapped.

“Still, you were in a high school band together. He’s known you for a long time.”

“Please don’t mention that,” Ben groaned.

“Come on, Ben. What did he say to you?”

The room became silent enough that Poe began to focus on the ticking of the lab’s clock, each tick sounding almost like a heartbeat.

“He said I could never be a doctor,” Ben murmured. “Because I’ve got this anger, this... stupid desire to hurt, to tear apart, to have that _power_.”

“You haven’t got a desire to hurt people, Ben, I don’t believe that. We all feel like that sometimes when we’re angry. You’re just a dominant personality and like to have things your way. That won’t make you a bad doctor, in fact, when you’re leading a group of nurses in a life-or-death emergency? You’re amazing at that. I’ve seen it, at the hospital, in the ER.”

“You don’t understand,” Ben murmured.

“You’re always the first one they call when a dangerous patient shows up in the ER, when someone wants to fight. The hospital needs people who can do that. And, shoot, you went out of your way to pick up some girl you’d only ever texted in order to sew up her arm. That shows you’ve got a heart more than anything.”

“I killed someone.”

The admission was sudden, spoken so flatly that Poe could almost believe he didn’t care, if not for the sudden tears in Ben’s eyes. It was fascinating, seeing that man, who was always so strong on the outside, suddenly so emotionally laid bare. “You _what?”_

“I _killed_ him.” Ben’s voice was hushed now, shaky. “I’m supposed to be saving lives here, and I’ve already taken one.”

“I’m sure there’s a story,” Poe said gently, trying his hardest not to reveal the shock he was feeling.

“Rey thinks it was her. That guy, he was trying to rape her and I... I killed him.”

“When was this?”

“When I got the scar on my face.”

“You killed him to defend... to defend Rey? So you knew her?”

Ben shook his head. “No, I told her the story and she told me it was her. I killed him and took his wallet and the drugs on him.”

“You’re sure you killed him?”

“He fell and hit his head, I don’t know.” Ben sat down at one of the stools, folding his arms on the table and looking down at them, his jaw-length black curls covering his face. 

Poe sat down carefully on the stool next to him and put an arm around his shoulders, feeling them shudder and realizing that Ben was crying. “You obviously didn’t mean to,” Poe murmured. “It’s not your fault. You were trying to protect a stranger. Don’t you see that that only means that you care? You weren’t trying to kill, you were trying to _save_. To help that girl.”

“I took his wallet, his drugs, I went so much further than was necessary. She left after the first punch, if I had just—left—“

Poe let out a dry laugh. “Anyone who knows you would understand why you didn’t.”

“Yeah, because I’m an angry, awful person.”

“No, because you care too much and want to see people punished if they hurt someone else. You’re looking at this in the wrong way. Even now, you’re pushing away this girl you’ve clearly caught feelings for because you want to protect her.”

“Anyone would.”

“Someone who really wants power and to hurt others would’ve lured her back to your room and raped her or something.”

Ben’s head shot up to stare at him in astonishment. “I would _never_ —“

Poe took in the redness of Ben’s eyes, the slight irritation of tears against his scar, and his heart went out to his friend. “Exactly. You’re flawed, Ben, but we all are. You’ll be a wonderful doctor because you understand that and you’ve got this huge urge to _protect_. Even knowing what you’ve just told me? I’d trust you with my life any day of the week.”

Ben let out a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would. If there was an emergency, I wouldn’t want Finn or Hux or anyone else. I’d want you because you know how to take command of a tense situation and get people moving. You know what you’re doing, and you’ll do anything and everything in your power to save the person who is hurt.”

Ben let out a shaky laugh, wiping at his face with a tissue he grabbed off of a nearby table. “Finn’s not a doctor. Of course you wouldn’t want him around.”

“Hey, he‘s a basketball player; at least he could carry me off the scene.”

“You don’t think I could?” Ben asked with a lopsided grin.

Poe laughed. “That sounds more like you.” He took a deep breath. “Look, I should probably apologize to you, too. I’ve been a bit short with you lately.”

Ben took a deep, shaky breath before replying. “We’ve got... different upbringings, Poe. We’re very different people, and we don’t exactly talk very much. You just don’t get me.”

Poe scrunched up his nose. “I’m trying to decide if I’m supposed to thank you for saying that or be offended.”

Ben shrugged vaguely, standing up and collecting the items from the table. “Um, thank you for all that.”

“Hey, if it gets you to stop moping, it’s worth it,” Poe laughed. “Go text your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Ben told him. “And I’m not texting her.”

Poe threw him an exasperated glance. “Why not?”

“She doesn’t understand this world, and she’s not willing to join it. I’ve asked her, and instead of being at all interested or at least willing to listen, she’s repeatedly judged me on my mistakes. She’d only ever accept me if I changed to be more like her.” He closed the lid on the box of supplies before pulling off his gloves and throwing them in the trash. “And I’m not changing myself for someone else. I fought for what I have, and if she can’t accept that and who I am? Well then.”

Poe shook his head slowly as he watched Ben leave the room. He was a funny one, that was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I’m on Tumblr, come say hi!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/artistwolfdesigns)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was so hard... I’m sorry it took me so long! I hope the length of it makes up for that somewhat~
> 
> Ummm trigger warnings for mentions of violence against children/abuse/death.

1/25/2020

Ben (10:53 pm): Heyyyy I’ve missed you!

Ben (10:55 pm): Oh my god please ignore that

Ben (10:55 pm): Poe got ahold of my phone. Seriously, ignore all of this.

Rey (11:00 pm): Honestly, I’m just surprised you haven’t blocked my number. Why’ve you been ignoring me?

Ben (11:01 pm): You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about me.

Rey (11:02 pm): I apologized for that. Are you out drinking or something?

Ben (11:03 pm): No, I steer clear of alcohol as much as I can.

Rey (11:03 pm): Why, because you’re a doctor?

Ben (11:04 pm): Just because I’m a doctor doesn’t mean I don’t eat sugar. Same applies to everything else.

Rey (11:04 pm): I’m taking it you’re not going to explain this.

Ben (11:05 pm): You’re smart; figure it out. While I’ve got you here—how’s your arm?

Rey (11:05 pm): All good. It’s almost entirely healed now. I went back to the hospital earlier like you told me to to get the stitches removed.

Ben (11:06 pm): Good to hear.

Rey (11:06 pm): That was a good day. When you took me to the hospital and we got ice cream

Ben (11:07 pm): Until you decided to run off

Rey (11:08 pm): I know. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair on you

Rey (11:10 pm): I guess it’s just hard for me to let people in.

Ben (11:10 pm): Yeah, I kinda got that.

Rey (11:11 pm): And I grew up around violence. Probably my biggest fear is falling into it due to my associates.

Ben (11:12 pm): I’m not violent, Rey. Not the majority of the time.

Rey (11:14 pm): Alcoholics scare me.

Ben (11:14 pm): Understandable. But that’s not who I am anymore.

Rey (11:15 pm): But that’s always going to be a part of you.

Ben (11:15 pm): Yes, that’s true. But don’t we all have our vices?

Rey (11:16 pm): You’re saying that you still deserve a chance.

Ben (11:16 pm): I’m not saying anything. You’re the one who apologized.

Rey (11:17 pm): Do you apologize for smashing that guy’s face in?

Ben (11:17 pm): In my defense, he deserved it. You don’t exactly know the story here. And I’m pretty sure a night at the police station was enough punishment for it; I really don’t need more from you

Ben (11:18 pm): I didn’t text you back because I don’t like the way you’re refusing to see my point of view. You’re calling me a monster without ever really taking the time to figure out why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Rey (11:20 pm): I don’t know that that’s fair.

Ben (11:20 pm): Isn’t it?

Rey (11:25 pm): What are you doing up so late, anyway? I know it’s a Saturday, but still.

Ben (11:26 pm): I’m over at Finn and Poe’s place, playing some video games. Finn and I have a shift in the ER that starts at midnight, so we’re just trying to keep ourselves busy until then.

Rey (11:27 pm): Yikes. I hope you slept in this morning.

Ben (11:27 pm): Easier said than done. I got up around 9:00 am and took a two hour nap at 8:00 pm

Rey (11:28 pm): How long is your shift?

Ben (11:28 pm): Twelve hours. We rely on a lot of coffee.

Rey (11:29 pm): Is that normal for a hospital shift?

Ben (11:29 pm): Yep, I’ve done it dozens of times before

Ben (11:30 pm): How have you been?

Rey (11:30 pm): Not too bad, I guess

Ben (11:31 pm): Still with your uncle?

Rey (11:31 pm): Nope, moved back in with Unkar. At least now I can help with the other kids again.

Ben (11:32 pm): I’m not going to argue with you

Rey (11:32 pm): Good.

Ben (11:32 pm): But you really should find somewhere better to live.

Rey (11:33 pm): You don’t seem to understand the definition of orphan, Ben.

Ben (11:33 pm): Haven’t you got any friends you could stay with?

Rey (11:33 pm): We discussed that. I thought you said you wouldn’t argue this.

Ben (11:34 pm): Okay, I’ll stop. 

Ben (11:36 pm): So are we friends again?

Rey (11:36 pm): Do you want to be?

Ben (11:37 pm): If you promise to stop judging me.

Rey (11:38 pm): I’m not judging you. You’re a doctor; I’m actually really impressed about that. I’m just... nervous. I don’t like to let people in.

Ben (11:39 pm): Why? Because people always disappoint you?

Ben (11:39 pm): I promise you I won’t. I won’t abandon you. I’m here.

Rey (11:40 pm): Why are you always so nice to me?

Rey (11:40 pm): You’re not just trying to get me into your bed, right?

Ben (11:41 pm): I’ve got to get going.

Ben (11:41 pm): Wait, what? No, of course not. Do you really think I’d do that?

Rey (11:42 pm): I don’t know.

Ben (11:45 pm): You really should have a better picture of me by now. 

Rey (11:45 pm): Sorry. I do, I do

Rey (11:46 pm): It’s just hard to trust people sometimes

Rey (11:47 pm): Please don’t be mad

Rey (11:48 pm): Aaand I’ve messed it all up again.

Ben (11:55 pm): Calm down, I was driving to the hospital. We’ll talk about this later. Now—I’ve got a patient. See you

Rey (11:56 pm): Be safe. Go save some lives.

***

“See? I helped you out,” Poe smirked, glancing over his shoulder at Ben as he washed his hands.

“For better or for worse.”

Poe sighed, switching off the tap and drying his hands on a paper towel as he turned to Ben. “Why can’t you ever just admit that I’m right?”

Ben snorted. “Maybe because you’re not.”

“Hey, I saw you smiling when you were texting her. That’s an improvement from the Ben I know.”

“Hey, I smile around you.”

“Very occasionally. Like, almost never.”

“Oh, shut up,” Ben muttered, stepping toward the sink and looking into the mirror. He combed his hand through his hair to tame an unruly curl before washing his hands. “I’ve still got all her problems to worry about now.”

“I’m pretty sure healthy relationships are built on each of you dealing with your own problems instead of relying on the partner.”

“Who ever said this was a relationship?” Ben turned around, leaning against the sink. “And I’m mostly talking about her living situation.”

“Have you asked her to move in with you?”

“Yeah, of course. But obviously that does sound a little weird.”

“You get the sense that she found that weird?”

“I mean, she just accused me of being nice to her to get her into my bed, so.”

Poe laughed. “Wow, she’s straightforward.”

“Did you expect her not to be?” Ben grinned. His pager dinged, and he pulled it from his pocket with a frown. “We’re needed in the ER. Apparently there’s a ten year old who’s been badly beaten.”

“What?” Poe’s eyes went wide as he hurried down the hall.

“I know. I hate people. This is you, Poe—pediatrics.”

“Hospital is your zone. Don’t step back for me; I need you to lead on this.”

Ben nodded tightly, exiting the hospital’s ER doors and helping the EMTs pull a boy on a stretcher into the hospital. He took a few seconds to assess the damage—it looked like the boy had been hit in the head with a baseball bat, his skull slightly caved in and his heartbeat erratic. “Prep for surgery,” Ben commanded. He called out for medical supplies, continuing to shout out orders even as they wheeled the patient away, as Poe spoke to the boy, reassuring him, in the off case he could hear him. 

_Please let this go well. He’s just a kid._

***

Ben stepped into the break room, holding his cell phone. He had just left from surgery, having washed up only briefly before. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t shaken from the incident... the thought of a child being abused like that never failed to shake him. It was one thing to see adults in danger of their lives, but children? He tugged at the surgical mask that he had pulled down under his chin as he searched his phone for someone to talk to. Someone removed from the situation.

He was debating between the two awful options of either his mother or his father, and had almost just given up when he suddenly got a text from someone else.

 _1/26/2020_  
Rey (8:04 am): Oof, I just woke up with my alarm and was getting all frustrated and preparing to hit it with a hammer when I realized you’d still be at work and instantly felt bad for being upset over waking up

Ben (8:05 am): Good morning to you too.

Rey (8:06 am): Woah, didn’t expect you to respond! Aren’t you supposed to be up to your elbows in blood or something?

Ben (8:06 am): That’s... really not funny. And kind of gross. Surgery is performed with as little blood loss as possible.

Rey (8:07 am): Sheesh, sorry. Someone’s feeling sensitive.

Ben (8:08 am): It’s... been a really hard night.

Rey (8:08 am): Why, are you just tired, or?

Ben (8:09 am): No, no, I’m actually not tired at all. Just a little shaken.

Rey (8:09 am): You? Shaken? Don’t you see awful stuff every day in the ER?

Ben (8:10 am): You really don’t want to hear about it, Rey.

Rey (8:10 am): Aren’t surgeons supposed to talk about the traumatic things they’ve witnessed? Isn’t that part of your training?

Ben (8:11 am): How do you know that?

Rey (8:11 am): I had a friend whose brother worked in the ER once. He sometimes came home crying and he had to talk about it per his training.

Ben (8:12 am): Ah.

Ben (8:13 am): Well you’ll be happy to know that I was just about to call my dad. Or my mom. Hadn’t decided yet. 

Rey (8:14 am): You don’t seem like someone who would want to go to their parents about this, if you don’t mind me saying it. Call me.

Ben (8:15 am): I don’t know if you could take it.

Ben (8:16 am): With your whole fear of violence and stuff

Right after he sent the text, Ben felt his phone buzz, and sighed heavily before reluctantly picking up. “Did you not see my last text?”

“Of course I did,” Rey snapped, her accented voice sounding perfect even through the phone. “But I’m not sure where you get off telling me what I can and cannot handle.”

“It involves a child, Rey. An orphan, I think.”

There was a brief pause before Rey spoke, her voice a little more sympathetic. “Look... you still had to experience it. I didn’t. So I’m a little more removed. I can handle it, Ben. You have to, but I can choose to take some of that pain from you.”

Ben chuckled half heartedly. “Should’ve been a poet.”

“Even your voice sounds shaky. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Ben blew out a deep breath. “He was ten years old.”

“Was?” Rey interrupted, sounding a little alarmed.

“Hit on the head by a baseball bat. Crushed part of his skull in; we had to perform a pretty in-depth surgery to try and relieve some of the pressure on his brain... I was working under the surgeon in charge of it.”

“Who hit him in the head? What happened?”

Ben shrugged, despite the fact that Rey couldn’t see him. “I don’t know. We’re not told that sort of information. Maybe I’ll find out eventually.”

“How did the surgery go?”

“Not well.” Ben tapped at the table, staring at the highly disinfected plastic. “I don’t know if there ever really was a chance for him.”

“Oh my god, he _died?_ I wasn’t expecting that ending.”

“It’s not a freaking fairy tale, Rey, it actually just happened.” His voice cracked. “I was second in charge. That surgeon is brilliant. It—it had to have been something I did. I should have been able to save him. We should have. I’m just learning. I must have messed up—I just feel like it’s my fault.”

Rey was silent for a little while, before letting out a slow breath. “Can I come over after your shift? I feel like you need a hug.”

“I don’t know, Rey, whenever you’re over I tend to mess up.” Ben let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob.

“No, I do,” she said firmly. “You’ve opened up to me and I did too but then it gave me cold feet and I pushed you away.”

Ben’s throat still had that annoying lump in it, and all he could manage was a high-pitched, “Oh?” His mind supplied everything else he wanted to say— _I’m not sure it’s just that, Rey, and I feel like I need to be careful here_ —and yet the idea of being careful was so much simpler in theory than it was in practice.

Because in practice, he could really, really use that hug right now.

Rey seemed to notice his hesitation to accept that and spoke quickly. “Okay, okay, can I pop down to the hospital, then? You’re on break right now, right? So I could just see you for, like, a half-hour and then I’ll leave again. And we don’t have to worry about either of us doing something stupid.”

Ben tried to imagine what ‘something stupid’ might entail, then quickly cleared his throat, reminding himself that Rey was almost definitely not thinking the same thing as him. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady. “Yes. I’d like that. If... if you don’t mind.” He hesitated. “Don’t you have stuff to do?”

“It’s Sunday. And your voice is still all wrong. Don’t argue this.”

“You set your alarm,” Ben argued weakly.

“Yes, because I don’t like sleeping too late. Honestly, what do you think I have to do on a Sunday?”

“Church?” Ben tried. “Chores?”

Rey sighed, exasperated. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. You know you want to see me.”

She put the phone down without giving Ben a chance to protest further, and he sighed, shoving the phone in his pocket before making his way outside. He stepped outside the doors, leaning against the wall next to an older man who was smoking despite the obvious no smoking sign placed next to him. Ben breathed in deeply, guiltily enjoying the scent of smoke in his lungs. The man glanced over at him, eyes widening as he took in Ben’s scrubs, and grunting out an apology as he moved to put out the cigarette.

Ben waved his hand distractedly. “You’re fine. Carry on.”

“You want one?” The man offered hesitantly, pulling another cigarette from his pocket.

Ben chuckled and shook his head. “I bet I’d be fired if I accepted.”

The man hummed in response, and they went back to standing in companionable silence. Eventually a rusty old car pulled into the parking lot, and Ben raised his eyebrows as it shuddered to a stop and Rey climbed out. She waved at him with a small, nervous smile, and he tentatively smiled back.

“Hey,” she said as she approached. “Wow, look at you, dressed up in your scrubs.”

Ben rugged on the surgical mask again. “Yeah, this is me, I guess.” He looked out into the parking lot. “So that’s your car.”

“Oh, shut up. It’s not a Jaguar, sure, but it does what it’s supposed to—gets me from point A to point B.”

“Well, I don’t want to be doing surgery on you after you nearly die in a car accident.”

Rey crossed her arms. “I’m a good driver, thank you very much.”

“I’ve seen good drivers die too, you know.”

Rey’s expression softened. “Hey, how are you doing?”

Ben looked away, suddenly feeling awkward. “I’m fine,” he said halfheartedly.

“Ben...” Rey stepped closer, and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked down at it, his eyes staring into hers as his heart rate inexplicably sped up. Suddenly she stepped forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him. After stiffening for a moment, Ben slowly began to relax, and hugged her back as tears sprang to his eyes. He determinedly blinked them away.

After a little while, Rey pulled back, biting at her lip. “I imagine it’s hard.”

Ben’s hand drifted down to grip her hip as he was suddenly gripped with the probably inappropriate desire to kiss her. “Sometimes.”

“But it’s not your fault. You’re a hero to so many. You’ve saved lives, I’m sure. But you can’t save every one of them.”

“It’s not the first time someone hasn’t made it,” Ben told her, reluctantly turning his head away a bit before he did something he would regret. “It’s just... he was a child.”

Rey blinked and looked away, her own eyes shining. “You think it’s an abuse case.”

“That’s up for the police to decide. I hope they kill whoever did it. Whoever hurt that poor child.”

“Were his parents there?”

Ben shook his head. “As I said, from what I gather... he was an orphan.”

Rey laughed then, somehow a bitter, unhappy sound rather than a mirthful tune. “Then he won’t get any justice.”

“You have to believe in the system,” Ben murmured, even as his mind agreed with her.

Rey shook her head. “We’re nothing to them. We’re nobody, you know. Probably nobody even _cares_ he died.”

“I do. You do.”

“But what do our opinions matter? What if I had been the one in his position? What if I died? Would anyone care?”

“I would.”

“I’m _nobody_ , Ben.”

“That’s true,” Ben murmured. “But that just means you’ve got a fresh place to start from. So did he. Everyone deserves a chance. I just wish I could have given him one.”

Rey let out a breath. “You can’t save everyone. But you’ve saved some. And that just has to be enough.” She looked up at him through those thick, dark lashes. “I trust that you did all you could.”

“Do you trust me? Really? After all that I’ve told you? After all the times you’ve run away?” His tone, unlike his words, wasn’t accusatory, but rather somewhat sad.

Rey shook her head. “Trust isn’t something you can give away. Not... not for someone like me.”

Ben looked away. “I have to go. I’ve got work to do.”

“Yeah,” Rey whispered. “I’ll see you around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I’m on Tumblr, come say hi!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/artistwolfdesigns)


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